Tag: Spiritual Formation

Kingdoms and Treasures > Spiritual Formation
Blog
December 9, 20230

Hope and Freedom: Initial Thoughts on Luther Smith Jr.’s New Book Hope Is Here

            This month I started reading Hope Is Here by Luther Smith, who is a Howard Thurman scholar and an individual who has played an important role in the justice movement in Atlanta and other places. Sometimes I go into a book thinking I will fly through it because it is so good. This book is not that. This is a book for savoring, the way you let a perfect piece of chocolate melt on your tongue or the way you soak in the sun’s rays on a crisp fall day. Right now, I am savoring the way Smith relates hope to the Great Cloud of witnesses versus the “tyranny of the familiar.”

            Referring to Hebrews 11:39-40, he says, “We look to the (great cloud of) witnesses as icons in our resourceful past, and the witnesses look to us as promise bearers for a fulfilled future.”[1] They are urging us toward greater hope, faith, and love. Hope is not just about something we desire in the future, it is about the way we live right now. It is an act of faith that lets go of predictable outcomes in favor of freedom. 

            To be free is to be unattached to anything but the grace and love of God. It is the freedom to live from your core essence, a mirror image of God only you can bear. This unhindered way of living is wrapped up in hope. Smith states, “… hope inspires us to imagine creatively, perceive reality anew, persevere in despair, risk with opportunities, and trust beyond our control. Hope exists with the purpose of expanding our awareness and hearts to experience God’s abiding love through all creation—including ourselves.”[2] With this type of hope we are invited to live in a way that keeps the saints on the edge of their seats. It is not mundane or predictable, but it is unique to each person’s reality.

            In my work with individuals who have experienced trauma or abuse in Church settings, hope is a loaded word. But it is hope that invites my clients and directees to continue their healing journey. It is hope that washes away expected outcomes, and nurtures curiosity and wonder about themselves and the world around them. The healing journey is not about living life like everyone else, but it is about living in a way only you can. It starts in the core of your being, which holds the purest sense of the Imago Dei woven into your DNA, and it seeps its way through your entire soul. As Howard Thurman once said in a commencement address to Spelman graduates, “You are the only you that has ever lived: your idiom is the only idiom of its kind in all of existence and if you cannot hear the sound of the genuine in you, you will all your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls…” [3] Those strings are what Smith refers to as the “tyranny of the familiar.” 

Smith acknowledges the freedom that accompanies hope can be scary because we lose a sense of control, whereas the “tyranny of the familiar” brings a sense that we have power over the outcomes of our lives. I recall having my whole life planned out in my twenties, and I can also remember God’s invitation to surrender all at that time. My answer to God was no because I was afraid, I would not get to do the things I wanted to in life. In fact, all of my human efforts to get those things failed, and the path of letting go of familiar outcomes was a painful journey. However, hope remained through all the difficult seasons and what I have today is so much better than anything I could have ever predicted. What I have has nothing to do with life circumstances or material possessions, but it is completely rooted in active hope, love, and the amazing humans (both present and past) who anchor me in beloved community. My story is uniquely mine, and my hope is that I am faithful to my chapter in the book of the Great Cloud of Witness. It is a life-long process, and we are invited to join hope every day of our life.  May hope find you today and draw you into the beloved community of saints that surrounds us all. 

Luther Smith talks about the correlation between hope, beloved community, and justice in Hope Is Here. I’ll be relishing each chapter during Advent and you are invited to join me and tell me what you think! Blessings in this Advent Season and Merry Christmas.

[1] Luther E. Smith Jr., Hope Is Here: Spiritual Practices for Pursuing Justice and Beloved Community (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2023), 33.

[2] Ibid., 6.

[3] Howard Thurman, The Sound of The Genuine: Baccalaureate Ceremony (Emory Archives audio/transcription: Spellman College, May 4, 1980), retrieved from https://thurman.pitts.emory.edu/items/show/838.

Blog
March 13, 20230

Mutuality in Love

Reposted from Companioning Center blog https://www.companioningcenter.org/blog/mutuality-in-love

Written By Tracy Busse

Spring comes early in Georgia. On this balmy morning, an orchestra of birds finding their way to one another greeted me. With windows flung open, stale winter air ushered out, I waved at the new life budding around me, inviting it to enter. The revival of life both calmed and energized me to join the fullness of creation around me. My body was relaxed and open to receive what God’s creation had to offer.

In all realms of safe connection, mutuality exists. One responds to another, and the other acts in reply to their gesture. We see this dance in friendship among lovers, caregivers, and children. These graced responses occur randomly throughout our world when one honors another by acting in a way that acknowledges, “my humanity is caught up and inextricably bound up in yours.” In South Africa, this is called Ubuntu, which “gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge despite all efforts to dehumanize them.” ¹ Our nervous system is wired to seek out safety and connection with one another—even God.

There are many faces we attribute to the nature of God. They range from loving father and friend to distant judge or scrupulous task master. Childhood encounters with parents, grandparents, spiritual leaders, and mentors influence our image of God. For many people, God is scary and cruel, and their only concept of God’s love is based on a continuum of right action, which will hopefully reward them with a good and eternal life. This is not a safe connection, nor does it represent what we mean by mutuality.

Mutuality sees the value of another as if they were looking at an expansive treasure. It gazes into your eyes and whispers, “Right now you are the focus of my attention. I see you; I hear you, and I desire to know you.” Imagine what it would be like to hear this from someone you trust and love. Linger with this imagined encounter and pay attention to what it feels like in your body. You may notice warmth and comfort but also might feel a bit vulnerable. When a safe person comes near, our body will naturally relax, but is that what happens to you when God comes near? Your answer to this question is an indicator of many things, including your perceived image of God. You may know in your head that God is love, but this creator of the universe might not “feel” loving.

Our nervous system works tirelessly to tell us when we are safe and when there is danger. This is often referred to as neuroception. “Neuroception is the process through which the nervous system evaluates risk without requiring awareness.” ² When perceived risk is present, our body will either move into a state of fight or flight, or it may simply choose to check out and shut down. In fight or flight, our body is tense, anxious, hyper-aware, and on edge. But in a state of shutdown, it is possible to feel nothing at all. Thankfully we have a third state that is triggered when we feel safe and connected to the environment and/or people around us.

These three states of presence can influence our perception of God in that moment. In a state of fight or flight, God may feel angry and judgmental. When we shut down, God is silent and distant, but in a state of safety and connection, God is love. When we learn how our nervous system operates, the part of us that “knows” God is love but does not feel it can learn compassion for the body that is operating from a state of protection. In those states, I hope God will be curious about our anxiety and hospitable to our anger. When we shut down, I hope God is gentle and present even if I cannot connect.

This morning I found myself in this third state as I soaked in the varied melodies of each bird. During a session with my spiritual director, I told him I wanted to engage in the Ignatian practice of noticing God in all things. While processing this, we agreed listening to the birds would trigger an awareness of God’s presence with me. Now when the birds sing, I smile and say hello to God. More songs emerge, and I relax as God’s melodies wash over me. In response, I imagine gazing into the eyes of my beloved and waiting to see how God responds. I cannot predict the response because God is other, but when we interact from a place of safety and connection, mutual regard and love develop.

While these moments of soaking are lovely and one of the sweetest parts of my day, there has been another benefit that reminds me God is near. When I am in a state of fight, flight, or shut down, birds trigger my nervous system to connect with God. You have probably experienced something similar when an old song comes on, or a smell triggers a pleasant memory from the past. These triggers are anchors and steadfast reminders of sweet moments of connection. I have learned through my bird friends that we can develop simple resources that connect us to God’s presence regardless of our state. To do this, explore with God, your spiritual director, or a friend simple ways you connect with God’s presence. You can also notice the image of God in a loved one saying, “Right now you are the focus of my attention. I see you; I hear you, and I desire to know you.” Just as we spent time imagining this with a loved one, imagine this with an image of God that is safe and welcoming. The more we engage in these practices, the more we relish intimacy with the Divine to the point that our relationship with God becomes as natural to engage as any other significant relationship in our life.

Tracy invites you to notice the gaze of love in her course, Trauma Informed Spirituality: Integrating Polyvagal Theory & Ignatian Spirituality for Soul Companions, on Mondays from March 27th-May 1st. This in-depth course includes an experiential component, teaching, discussion, and strategies to use when walking alongside others. Learn more and register here.

Notes:

¹ Desmond Tutu, God has a Dream: A Vision of Hope for our Time (New York, NY: Doubleday Books), 26.
² Stephe Porges, The Pocket Guide to The Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe (New York, NY: W. W. Norton and Company), 19.

Blog
February 11, 20232

Thick Places: A Place of Encounter and Love

“Thin places” are thick places. Celtic tradition regards sacred spaces as “thin” because they are in essence the place where heaven and earth kiss one another. But if you have ever been to a place that has the feel of a thin place, you also know the weight spaces like these carry. The atmosphere of a thin place is thick with the presence of God. 

As I write this, the college I graduated from, Asbury University, is experiencing a revival. This was not a planned conference or a manufactured experience, but an ordinary chapel that has become something extraordinary for the students and the community involved. Witnesses are describing the atmosphere in Hughes Chapel as thick. When I heard that word I was transported back to my twenties, during an all-night prayer vigil I joined in the same chapel.

 It was late and as I prayed the air became swimmingly thick. As if molasses had joined forces with the oxygen we breathe, each inhalation became rich and sweet. A weight pressed around my body as if I was held by the Divine. I recall having an internal vision of all the saints that preceded me in that place and the many saints that would come to that place in the future. What I saw in their posture and presence was love. Not dogma or right ways of being, but authentic expressions of connection to self, God, and others. 

This vision continues to be a memory of consolation, and a reminder of God’s goodness across generations. We do our best spiritual work when we are actively falling in love with the creator, who is always falling in love with us. A love like this spills into the universe, touching individuals near and far. The reach of this embrace cannot be measured, it is a thin place unleashing the weight of glory into the air we breathe. It is holy just as you are holy. 

Blog
December 19, 20200

Do You Hear What I Hear? An Advent Letter to My Family of Faith

Dear Sisters and Brothers,

I see you. I want to hear you and I want to know your heart. Not just hear, but listen. We are a church divided. We are a Nation at odds and we are a world fighting for life. We are the Church. We belong to one another. We were created by love and for love. The darkness can cause our vision to falter, but it will never prevent the light from coming. 

Do You See What I See?

I see pastors wondering how to lead a scattered flock. I see an angry flock wondering where their shepherd has gone. I see people trying to glue together shattered glass, to recoup a past that is gone. I see angry people trying to be heard.

I see “a star dancing in the night.” I see hope when I look for the light. I see God’s beloved remembering who they are. I see joy in the smallest things. I see a world that is learning how to wait. I see a multitude of gifts in the myriad of faces around me. 

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I hear weary parents doing their best. I hear the cries of lonely hearts. I hear predictions of the future riddled with fear. I hear hopelessness from the ones that fought the good fight and believe they lost. I hear the sobs of grieving souls.

I hear “a song with a voice as big as the sea.” I hear parent’s adoration of their children. I hear laughter in the company of friends. I hear the voices of the abused and broken standing tall. I hear an invitation to dance with the Divine. 

Do You Know What I Know?

I know that I do not know a lot. I do not know how the pandemic will end. I do not know how to stir up hope in the hopeless, and I do not know how to give peace to the anxious. I know we are tired. I know we engage the Advent season longing for a weary world to rejoice.

I know this Advent we wait for Christ to come in a big way. I know that God comes in ways we cannot predict. I know his life is teeming within all of us, waiting to be revealed. I know he came to give us life and to invite us into life in his Kingdom.

Listen To What I Say…

I listen because I want to know you. I listen because I want to hear your story. I listen because I want to see your heart. 

I listen because Abba knows me and calls me daughter. I listen because the Holy Spirit always listens to me. I listen because Jesus has captured my heart.

Dear brothers and sisters,

 Will you join me in listening to one another? What do you hear, see, or know that brings you hope as you wait? We are a family united by Christ and in Him we are one.  

With all my love and grace,

 Your sister

Blog
November 13, 20200

Love Anchors: Encounters with God in Daily Life

In July, I went on a thirty-day retreat to take the spiritual exercises developed by Ignatius of Loyola in the 16th Century. It was one of those life-changing experiences I wish I could capture into words, but the precise words elude me. I told one of the first people I talked to after the retreat, “It’s true Jesus really loves you.” She smiled at me, understanding I had experienced God’s love anew. 

But how do I tell you Jesus loves you in a way that doesn’t prompt a children’s song to play in your head? There are not words magnificent enough to do so. Imagine swimming in a lovely lagoon, only to be transported to a crystal blue sea filled with treasures beyond comprehension. And still loves reach is even grander than this. My perception of God’s love changed because of 30 days of intimate encounters with his presence. Each day I would walk with the Risen Lord through the gospels, I would listen to the wisdom of my Jesuit Director, and I basked in the love of the Trinity. It was intense and life-changing. 

One thing I want to share with you is that I feel certain God wants to encounter all of us with his love. All the time! I don’t think this has to happen in a 30-day retreat. In fact, I think we can invite these encounters into our everyday lives. Think about a young child and the way they move about the world in a state of wonder. Every butterfly, flower, rock, and cloud are a treasure. Could it be that God speaks his presence to us through the natural world around us? Through each other? Perhaps it is unorthodox to say so, but I believe he does. The one who created all things is lovingly present in all things. 

Now in saying that I do not believe that God causes evil. After working with trauma survivors for almost twenty years, I cannot believe that God causes the atrocities I have borne witness to. What I see repeatedly is God’s love and compassion for every person I encounter. I see unimaginable strength and courage that allows people to keep living. I live in wonder at the resilience of humanity in the face of wickedness. Hundreds of brave and beloved faces enter my mind to remind me evil does not have the last word. 
Receiving love and beginning to see one’s value are a catalyst for healing. People rarely heal in isolation. Sometimes God’s love is too hard to receive from the church or the Bible, because of harm and abuse experienced from misuse of those sources. Sometimes love comes from another human that really sees the person in front of them. Love listens well and is always waiting to be received. Love does not condemn, it offers hospitality and hope. I experience love in presence and through holy encounters. 

When I was on retreat, I spent the first few days sitting in God’s love. Since I am a visual person, I asked God for an image of his love. The image of a rushing waterfall poured over my head. I could feel the excitement of the pounding water and a giddy sense of being alive. The oxygen was cool, and it mingled with the sweet mist engulfing me. His love was everywhere. Now when I imagine a waterfall, I readily enter a fragrant encounter with God’s affection for me.

Throughout my retreat, I experienced God’s love in many forms. I saw him in rainbows, deer, and flowers, mountains, deserts, and trees. Each of the four elements beckoned me to the mystery of his presence among us. These images and memories have become anchors. When I am feeling low or anxious, I can go to one of my love anchors, and encounter the loving God that always delights to be with me. Just as the Holy One delights to be with you! How do you encounter love? 

*Check out our latest meditation vlog that will invite you to an encounter with God’s love through imagery in the 4 elements https://tracybusse.net/meditation-and-contemplation/

Blog
October 26, 20200

Your Story Matters

Your Story Matters

“From his abundance, we have all received one gracious blessing after another.  For the law was given through Moses, but God’s unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ.  No one has ever seen God. But the unique One, who is himself God, is near to the Father’s heart. He has revealed God to us.”

John 1:16-18 NLT

You matter. John 1:1-18 tells us why. Everything was created through God from the very beginning. And through that creation, God reveals his heart. There is no part of creation he does not see. There is not a single person he does not hear. The light of the world was given to all of us, and that Light knows us. 

I wonder what your heart longs for? We all seem to be searching for the next thing that will make life better. Sometimes it feels like we are searching in vain. The things you desire may seem impossible to obtain, but the want of them consumes you. It reminds me of Thorin Oakenshield in Tolkien’s, The Hobbit. 

Wide-eyed, he frantically searches for his treasure. Nothing else matters. The Arkenstone holds value above anything and anyone. He trips over a jeweled chalice and cusses when his hand is cut on the edge of a diamond. In his frustration, he throws a handful of gold across the treasure chamber, once again scanning for his treasure. It is nowhere to be found. Darkness engulfs him amidst the glittering cavern. Light from numerous torches contagiously reflects throughout the room. Thorin Oakenshield does not see it. His obsession blinds him. 

The one thing you desire has power. It rules your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions. You muddle through the mundane and mindlessly fulfill your obligations. Yet your soul is longing for something that seems impossible to possess. Who has not felt like this at some point or the other? Especially during the pandemic! Suspicion tells me there is something important to notice about these desires. 

The Arkenstone reflected light, and its value was beyond comprehension. In the mind of Thorin, it was the treasure above all treasures. This was the jewel that would crown him King under the Mountain. In this story, I see a longing for worth and belonging. When I read John 1, my heart swells with joy. Perhaps it is because I enjoy poetic language, but I believe it is so much more. 

Jesus, the true light, or dare I say our greatest treasure, came into the world he created so we could share in this light. He brought us near to the Father’s heart and offered us the opportunity to become sons and daughters of Abba, our Lord. Created in his image and invited to share in his glory and riches, He offers us the Kingdom of Heaven. 

What glory? What riches? You may wonder, as you look at your current circumstances. The grief and uncertainty of the current season may be engulfing you. As you ponder the words of John, what may God be inviting you to consider? The invitation to be a child of God might feel exciting for some, but for some, it feels scary. We all need guides when we feel adrift, or as in Thorin’s case, a friendly hobbit. According to the Word, we are all brothers and sisters. The eternal family to which we belong is full of wisdom and compassion. They are often the ones that will be a light in the darkness. These persons could be a friend, pastor, counselor, spiritual director, or mentor. Only you know who you need. 

“You have received one gracious blessing after the other.”

John 1:16 par

God’s gifts surround us. Sometimes circumstances blind us, but as I have worked with people in the darkest places, I see light rise when they practice gratitude. You can be grateful for a roof over your head and food in your belly. You might be grateful for creation and natural beauty. It could be that someone big or small in your circle of influence produces a smile in you today. This morning I was thankful for a warm cup of coffee and the sweet silence of a waking world. These are the treasures that surround us every day, we only need to look a little closer. 

Jesus came not to condemn us through the law, but to offer his unfailing love and faithfulness.

John 1:17 par

As you draw near the light, the light will reflect through your life. You are the beloved daughter or son of the King of Kings. You belong to his Kingdom and his glory can be found in you. Every part of your life matters to God. You are his treasure and his delight. He invites each of you to engage every day with him. What does your invitation say today?

(For a guided meditation of John 1:1-18 please check out our new YouTube Channel https://youtube.com/channel/UCs09ki4BW2fFqEETisuTgwg)

Blog
April 22, 20200

Peace Be With You

It rests within him as he lies upon the boat, curled up among the ropes and nets. The ship’s mast cries out a like a hundred whips lashing the sky. Deep rest soothes his soul and permeates his being. No storm, no circumstance alters his path. He lives from the core of his being. This is the place in him that lives in us. Frantic voices cry out, “The storm! We are all going to die!” The presence of peace muffles out the furor of the rising tempest. It is a peace obtained through gentle surrender. Each day, not his own but given up to the will of his Father. He knows his path lies in the shadow of giant footprints. Will you follow him? 

This morning, as I practiced an Ignatian exercise, I meditated on the phrase, “I rest in your peace.”[1] My brain transported me to an ancient ship fighting the mighty gales of an unpredictable storm. I was curled up next to Jesus resting in his presence. It was as if we were sleeping within a bubble of light protecting us from the storm. It was bliss. 

Shortly after my time with Jesus I was reading the latest news about the COVID-19 epidemic. Anxiety swelled up within me. Like the disciples, I wondered when God would do something to calm the raging seas. It is human nature to fear death. We were created for life.

“The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came to give us abundant life.”

John 10:10 par

Human instinct will always lead us to survival. This makes the idea of dying to one’s self challenging to understand.

Dallas Willard writes in Renovation of the Heart, “This total yielding of every part of our body to God, until the very tissues and muscles that make it up are inclined toward God and godliness and are vitalized in action by the powers of heaven, breaks all conformity with worldly life in this age and transforms us into conformity with the age to come, by completing the renewal of our minds- our powers of thought and imaginations and judgment deeply rooted in our bodies.”[2] Our human inclination around the current pandemic is to panic, express anger, confusion, hopelessness, and a myriad of other emotions. It is only by the renewing of our minds and daily surrender that we can make the pilgrimage towards abundant life. 

“To be a pilgrim is to let ourselves be led by the Lord. Pilgrims are people on a way.”[3] This way leads us towards peace. There are many obstacles all of us will face as we journey towards the heart of God. Blocked by losses, sickness, poverty, and hopelessness, the way is no longer clear. Serenity becomes a poetic word that does not translate to real life. How can you find peace in a time like this? Gary Moon says, “Our only hope is to have Jesus on our insides, alive, powerful, loving and acting through our mouths and limbs.”[4] This happens through discipleship, surrender, and prayer. 

In Philippians 4:4-9 Paul exhorts us to: 

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (ESV).

Philippians 4:4-9 Paul exhorts

This is a rich passage full of many treasures. It gives us a road map for peace. When I think about the internal pilgrimage I am trekking; I can notice what triggers moments of peace vs. moments of anxiety or sadness. I know Jesus is calling me to be thankful daily, to engage in regular worship, to seek opportunities to love others, and to rest in his presence. I am also being called to put down negative news articles, the desire to debate with others, or to retreat from the present moment. Life is difficult right now. For many of us, the oceans are roaring high above our tiny vessels. 

We were wired for peace, but sometimes self-preservation intervenes. I wonder about the statement, “God is in control.” While he could take control over me, that is not how he rolls. By his mercy, we are given a choice. We can live this life by the power we possess. We can also trade in our power for the power of God. Who doesn’t want that type of upgrade? In Life Without Lack, Willard says, “…we were made to run on God.” [5] What an encouraging thought. Through trust and surrender, peace may be possible. I pray that today you will be blessed with God’s peace. 

[1] Michael Hansen, My First Spiritual Exercises: Four Guided Retreats (Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press).

[2] Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress), 170.

[3] David Fleming, SJ, What is Ignatian Spirituality? (Chicago, IL: Loyola Press, 2008), 34. 

[4] Gary Moon, Apprenticeship with Jesus: Learning to Live Like the Master (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books),131.

[5] Dallas Willard, Life Without Lack: Living in the Fullness of Psalm 23 (Nashville, TN: Nelson Books),134.

Blog
April 9, 20200

The Way of Jesus

The beating of my heart drowns out my anxious thoughts. I remember a day last August when I asked Jesus to replace my heart with his. “Can I have your heart in exchange for mine?” was his gentle reply. In humility, I agreed. His heart is a treasure that fills my soul and with this exchange, it reminded me that I am treasured by him.

Movement is emerging out of the rhythmic strokes of his heart. I am trying to learn the steps to our dance. Desire is calling me to surrender, so Jesus can lead. Letting go of the things that hinder my ability to keep in step, is a challenge. But there is a fire growing within that compels me towards his love.

Many of us feel the weight of extra baggage right now. Threats have abounded during the COVID-19 crisis. Human instinct tells us to take more, just in case.  Anger and fear have grown like unruly ivy around generosity and gratitude. It sucks the air right out of our lungs. So many are tired and losing hope. 

As a pilgrim in training, I wonder about the things each of us needs to let go of to lighten our loads. What am I carrying that is bruising my shoulders while I trudge uphill? I have talked with a lot of different people in the past few weeks and a common burden we carry is control. There is so much we don’t have control of. We are trying to exert our power over emotions, thoughts, schedules, people, health, and a host of other things. This is exhausting work.

When I was training for the Camino, I filled up my backpack to the recommended limit. By the end of a twelve-mile walk, my shoulders ached and my bones felt bruised. A couple of days later I removed four pounds from my pack, and I hiked another 12 miles. This time without pain. The things I took out were not necessities, they were comforts. A pillow, a solar phone charger, a book, pajamas, and a few other random things. 

Today I challenged myself to let go of getting my way. I am asking myself if I can create a practice of simplicity during an exceedingly complicated space in time. Emerging out of these questions is a desire to live well. To thrive in the present moment. A spiritual guide encouraged me to find a question to ponder during my trek on the Camino. Now I ask myself, “what is the way of Jesus in my life?” 

For the moment I am abandoning my trip to Spain, but I will not abandon this question. In the movie Four Feathers, Heath Ledger’s character, Harry asks his new friend Abue, “Why are you helping me?” Abu answers, “Because God has put you in my way.” Abue lived in the desert. Each day was likely spent attending to basic human needs. When it was time for Abue and Harry to part ways, Harry asks Abue, “What will you do now?” Abue replies, “Whatever God has chosen for me.” So simple. So hard. Or perhaps, easy.

What is the way of Jesus in my life today? We must add today because tomorrow is a luxury, or perhaps a burden we cannot afford to carry. There is simplicity when we focus on this moment. I can find hope for today. 

There is a person in your path today that maybe there tomorrow, but there are others that won’t be. When you lock eyes with a stranger on a walk or at the grocery store, what is the way of Jesus at that moment? Those people are neighbors. Sometimes all I can do is offer a smile and a silent prayer. Part of finding the way of Jesus is to attune to his heart. Relinquishing our fears of not having enough and attending to the humanity that lives all around us. 

For some of you, the only humans physically in your path are in your home. What does the way of Jesus look like surrounded by a bunch of stir-crazy kids and grown-ups? What does it look like when you are the only human in your physical path? Or perhaps it is just you and a spouse or a roommate. Thankfully, there is no one answer. Every one of you is living a unique life on an exceptional path. Jesus’ heart has a different rhythm in your soul than he does in others. I imagine our dance as a slow waltz. You may see your dance with him as a tango, a swing dance, hip-hop, or salsa. Dropping the weight of unnecessary things helps us to move in step with Jesus. 

In Luke 10:38-42, Martha is frustrated that her sister Mary is not helping. She tells Jesus about it and he replies by saying, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (NLT) We worry about so many things. Holding on to anxiety is akin to putting large rocks in your backpack. I like to look at rocks when I hike, but unless it is small and beautiful, I do not enjoy carrying rocks while I hike. It is important to recognize our anxieties, but after you have paid attention to that rock, the next step is to keep moving on your path, setting down anything that is unnecessary.

It is Holy Week. This is the week Christians remember that Jesus was arrested, beaten, tried, and crucified. This is the week we recall that the way of Jesus led him to death on a cross so we could all have life. This is the week we celebrate the miracle of resurrection and the hope of a new life. Jesus is alive. He has risen! The way of Jesus calls us to die so we may live. We relinquish our personal kingdoms and exchange them for the power of God’s Kingdom. In this, we rise with him. 

The richness of life is bubbling up in me as I compose these words. I love to write. Putting words to paper is a part of God’s way in my story. To create space for writing I surrender time relaxing, reading, watching movies, serving, and even time with friends and family. Those are not bad things. God calls me into all of those moments frequently, but I cannot carry all of them at one time. At this precise moment, I write. Soon I will grade papers and provide therapy to others. After that? “Whatever God has chosen for me.” What would God have for you?

Stories
March 31, 20200

The Village of The Dead

                      Kya stood at the bow of her canoe as it slowly moved along the Ruach River. The stillness reflected the clouds and trees enveloping Kya’s circular world. Her heart beat wildly in anticipation. Glancing at a cardinal perched on a flaky birch, she wondered if he knew what was about to happen. Directly across from his gaze the boat tipped forward sinking gently into a silver cloud. Only the red bird could attest to what happened after that.


            Several weeks prior, Kya had been on the same canoe fishing for her family’s dinner. Kya’s father had died earlier that year in a boating accident. His boat had been found in shards with no trace of his body. His death planted a bomb in the life of her family and they did not think they could recover from its effects. 
            In her village the women were not allowed to work for pay, they were not allowed to own their own home, and they were not allowed to speak freely among the men. Kya had three little sisters under the age of ten. No brothers meant no income, no home, and isolation. Upon news of her father’s death, her mother and sisters were thrown from their homes and informed that they too were dead. This led them to Ariat.
            Ariat was the village of the dead. It was the home of widows and orphans. Kya and her family were warmly embraced by the women of Ariat. Upon their arrival, her family was housed, fed, and celebrated. A service was held for her father as the women openly mourned with her mother and sisters. It was at the place of the dead that Kya believed she would find life.
            All of the women had jobs based on their skills. The women shared each other’s gifts to support their community. Some were builders always making sure there were a few extra huts for the unexpected widows and orphans that would eventually come. Others tended the milk cows shared by everyone in the village. There were teachers who educated the children while others sewed clothes, cooked meals, and fished. When Kya’s family arrived, there were about seventy-five women and children in the village.
            Despite apparent devastation, the women thrived. The men of Bashion knew about Ariat. Sometimes extended family members would send young messengers with news and gifts. The separation was painful but old traditions were hard to break.
            Kya wondered what her father would think of it all? She knew he would be proud that at just sixteen years of age, she had been named one of the villages fisherwomen. He had been the best fisherman in Bashion. She was proud to follow his path. Her heart felt like it was being stomped on as her vessel approached the place where they found his shattered boat. Pools of tears fell around her feet as she wondered what force could have shattered his boat. Many wondered if it was God, while others supposed it to be the Evil One.
            Kya only wanted to know to whom she should direct her anger. Wiping the tears from her face, she looked at her reflection in the water. This only made her sadness increase as she thought she saw her father’s face in place of her own.  “Oh Papa, please come back, we need you! We are dead without you.” The encore of tears drew her deeper within. Suddenly flashes of light began to swirl in the depths of the water, reflecting many colors like a rainbow.  Kya leaned over the side of her canoe to get a closer look. Instantly the whole boat tipped forward. She gripped the sides as they were both sucked into the colorful vortex.
            While she wanted to jump ship, Kya found that she could not let go. Warmth spread throughout her body as she was immersed in the radiant colors. Panic and wonder competed for her attention as she sank deeper. The fear of suffocation was quickly overwhelmed by an unrelenting sense of love and pleasure. It was as if the light was holding her to its bosom while caressing her hair. It was magnificent.
            As her lungs persuaded her to take a breath, she could not have guessed at what would happen next. Instead of a suffocating rush of water, a steady stream of warm air filled her lungs. To her delight, the boat broke through the colored waters and was floating calmly through a deep blue sky. Kya’s mouth was agape. She was flying! She looked below her and saw emerald green hills dotted with turquoise lakes. She had never seen anything like it. Curious she grabbed her oar to see if she could navigate the canoe through the air. One sweep of the paddle propelled her forward at an alarming rate. Kya laughed with glee and shouted, “This is amazing!”
            As she raced across the sky she was immersed in the joy of the moment. She was not really thinking about anything other than the rushing sensations in her body. Each wonder she encountered convinced her she was in heaven. For the first time since her father’s death, she laughed. She could not recall the last time she was filled with so much wonder and joy. She wanted to cling to every sensation without any intention of ever letting go.
            The boat descended toward a turquoise blue lake surrounded by rolling hills shaded by the crowns of many trees. As it landed Kya spotted the back of a man fishing in his canoe. Fear trickled down her face and pulled at her heart. The man turned and she saw his face. “Papa! Oh, Papa is that you?” She yelled as the anguish of loss competed with her voice.
 He smiled at her, “My dear Kya, I am here, I’m ok.”
            Kya paddled with all her might to get close to him. Once beside him, she lunged out of her boat and into his outstretched arms. “Papa, I’ve missed you. I love you so much.” Resting on his shoulder she whispered, “Hold me forever.”
            “My dearest Kya I am here. Oh, how I love you!” He caressed her hair as she leaned her wet face against his.
            After a moment of comfort Kya sat up straight, “Papa, why are you here? What happened? We need you!”
            Kyonas grasped his daughters’ hands. “The evil one sent a monster to devour my boat, I could not escape back to our world. Our gracious God had mercy on me and brought me home with him.”
            “This is where you live now?” Kya looked around and wondered. It was a beautiful place but they were the only ones. She looked at her papa, “You are alone?”
            “Not exactly you are in between God’s home and your home. This is a place of rest. God is answering your prayers today.”
            Puzzled she looked around her and back at her father’s loving eyes, “How is God answering my prayers?”
            Delighted by the very presence of his daughter Kyonas smiled, “Today I will come back with you to help you.”
            Kya’s eyes widened, “Papa, are you telling the truth? How can you come home with me if you live with God now? Is it really true?”
            “It will not be as you think my child but for a time, I will come with you to provide the help you need. “  
            Kya could not believe what she was hearing. She was afraid to ask more questions. She did not want to know what ‘for a time’ meant. She was unsure of how he could help. Would they get to move back to Bashion? Would her father grow old with her mother? Years of being told not to speak unless spoken to prevented Kya from relinquishing her thoughts to her father’s ears.
            Wiping his weathered hand across Kya’s wets cheeks he met her eyes, “Are you ready sweet one? It is time to visit Bashion.”
            In a blink of an eye, Kaya and her father were sitting in her canoe near the docks of Bashion. Fear filled her body. What would the men do if they saw her? She had heard stories of women who had tried to return after being banished. Some came back beaten, blinded, and branded with a hot iron reminding them of their death. Other women were said to have been stoned to death. She looked at her father. His face was calm and his whole body was encircled by a blue light. It was him and yet he was more radiant than any living human she had ever encountered. What would the villagers think? “Papa?”
            He looked at her face as they approached the docks, “Tie the boat up Kya and do not speak when we approach the council men. Allow me to handle what happens next. God has given me a word to share with our kin and he will make a way for us.” As Kya tied the boat to the dock they got out and walked the worn dirt path to Bashion.


            Ashkan stood at the center of the village near an ancient well. Several men that were a part of the head council stood talking with him about the business of the day. Like any other day, life was happening all around them. Less distinguished men were engaging in manual tasks while the women were cooking and hanging the laundry to dry. Children were chasing chickens across the courtyard and they laughed as one dove toward the screeching hen only to miss. A scream pierced the sky and the people of Bashion froze.
            “It’s him! It’s Kyonas’ ghost!” The shrill cry of an older woman brought a chill to the hearts of everyone that could hear. In the distance, a man encased in blue light walked toward the well. Next to him was an older child they all knew to be Kya, but in the eyes of the elders, Kya was just as dead as Kyonas. 

            Ashkan walked toward the pair full of fury. “You do not belong here! We do not entertain the dead in Bashion!” He leaned over and picked up a large rock and threw it towards Kya. As the rock touched the blue light it was pulverized to ash.
            “Ashkan! You will listen to me.” Kyonas’ voice deepened and reverberated across the village. By this point, men, women, and children had gathered around the center. It looked like a standoff between Kyonas and Ashkan with the others circling around them.
            “I do not talk to the dead. Be gone and take your daughter with you.”
            “Ah, so you do see. Kya and I will not leave until I share a message from God.”
            The crowd whispered to each other in wonder. Some could not believe that Kyonas was back from the dead and others wondered if he ever died at all. They all would later agree that the blue light emanating from his body could only come from God. Some even confessed that they could feel God’s presence like a warm breeze and a gentle kiss upon their cheek.
            Kya stood and looked around. She stayed as close to her father’s side as she could but she was obedient to his request of silence.
            Ashkan looked at the wonder in his people’s eyes. He wanted to maintain control of the situation but was unsure of what to do. “Speak if you must!” and he turned his back to Kyonas.
            Kyonas smiled knowingly and stood behind his daughter grasping her shoulders. “This is my daughter Kya. You have known Kya from the time Ellia delivered her from the womb. She holds the life of God within her. There is no flaw in her. She is perfect in all that she is. She is a creature of God. The breath in her lungs was given by him and the life she lives will either be for him or for the evil one. This is true of every man, woman, and child in this village. You are all creatures of the God that gave you life. Who are you to declare death and life over a person? My daughter and her three sisters live! You have sisters, aunts, and cousins that are alive, but you declare they are dead. What power of heaven was given to you to make such a declaration? I say, that power comes from a source of fear that can lead to the evil one. Turn your hearts to the widows and orphans of Ariat.”
            The villagers looked around at each other. The silence deafened the ears of many, while others looked on in wonder. Kya surveyed the scene and pondered what would happen next. Her father spoke with an authority that was unlike any other. She felt honored to be with him.
            Ashkan turned around with his eyes glazed over. “Be gone ghost of Kyonos and take the ghost of Kya with you. Bashion does not entertain the dead.”
            Kya looked up at her father and saw a slight curve in his lips. His eyes shone with love as he looked every man and woman in the eye. Walking within the circle created by the villagers Kyonas took Kya’s hand and looked up to the sky. Kya saw a white light fill her father’s face with peace. She felt the warmth of his goodness flowing into her hand that he held.
            “People of Bashion. Remember the orphans and the widows. Resurrect the village of the dead, your life depends on it.” With that final statement, Kya and her father walked back the way they had come.
            When they reached the boat, a red cardinal was sitting on the tip of the bow. Her father released her and began to remove the ropes from the docks.
            “Papa, what happens next?”
            Full of compassion he looked into Kya’s eyes. It was a gaze she would never forget. It melted her heart and drew her into the depth of a love she could not describe with the use of words. Kya ran and collided into his chest as he embraced her.
            “My child, I must go to my home and you must return to yours.”
            After a momentary embrace Kya and her father set off in the canoe, back to the place, where she had found him. The red bird followed them as they paddled in silence.
            When they approached the place of the colorful waters Kya stood on the bow of the boat. She wondered if she would be allowed to join her father in heaven. As the boat tipped into the waters, Kya felt the same rush of warmth and love she had felt the first time she was sucked into God’s world. In complete silence, they reached the turquoise lake where their paths had first met. Her father’s boat remained in the place where she had found him.
            Kya turned toward her father, “Papa, I want to come with you.”
            “Come here child.” She moved across the canoe into his arms and savored his embrace. “Dear Kya, you must go back to your home and I will return to mine. Our homes are barely a second apart and yet it will take you a lifetime to realize the truth of this matter. Live knowing that you are alive and always will be. Some of the people of Bashion will move to Ariat. Your new home will become a treasure of the region and many will come to see it. All the people; men, women, and children will have a voice. All will be honored for who they are and what they have to offer. Do not worry about the men of Bashion. Their voices will be like a voice covered by the thunder of a great storm. Only they will hear the nonsense they cry out.”
            Kya’s eyes brimmed with tears. Joy swelled up in her heart, simultaneously swirling around the grief of being separated from her father again. “I love you Papa!”
            Smiling down at her, he kissed her forehead, “With all my heart I love you!”
            Once again Kya was transported back to her world. Her canoe floated lazily toward the dirt landing that would take her to Ariat. Off in the distance, she could see a mass of people walking towards Ariat from Bashion. Men, women, and children were carrying bundles, pushing carts, and herding animals toward her new home. The same cardinal flew past her and landed on a nearby branch. She nodded at the bird in recognition. Her father was right. Everything was about to be different.
 

Blog
March 23, 20202

The Calling of a Pilgrim

I developed this blog intending to write about God’s Kingdom and the treasures we see around us. With a trip to France and Spain planned, I imagined sharing those adventures from this platform. Plans change. The coronavirus outbreak is reminding me you cannot rely on plans. All you can count on is today, and even that can change with lightning speed. I still want to write about kingdoms and treasures. You and I have the individual Kingdoms that we rule and within each kingdom are things we treasure. Your kingdom may be experiencing a shakedown right now. Mine is. The material world is rapidly changing, but the Kingdom of Heaven has not been altered by our current chaos.

Two weeks ago, I was preparing for a trip of a lifetime. I was preparing to be a pilgrim on the Camino de Santiago. Within twenty-four hours, I was planning to cancel my trip. Out of stubbornness and in the spirit of the Camino, I have decided to embrace the calling of a pilgrim. A wise counselor recently said that my pilgrimage began the moment I made the decision to go. “The Pilgrim is one who ventures into a foreign land, who makes himself an alien, who loses contact with the familiar props of his ordinary life, and who deprives himself of all help other than the charity that people show to those whom they do not know, but who have the indications of being poor”[1] All of us are living in a foreign land today. 

The world is not running on what is ordinary right now. Many of you will need the charity of others to sustain you in the coming weeks and months. Many of you will offer charity to others. I am leaning on the charity of my community to stay connected during a time of isolation. I am asking God to show me how I can offer charity to others. I am exploring my identity as a pilgrim. A true pilgrimage leads us towards God and his Kingdom. 

Victor and Edith Turner wrote, “Pilgrimage may be thought of as an extroverted mysticism, just as mysticism is an introverted pilgrimage.”[2] Confounded or mystified, all of us are living in unchartered territory. How you respond to this extraordinary time will define your experience. A pilgrim is typically on the move. This may be an external movement or an internal one. If you are confined to your home, as many of us are, movement may feel limited. Internal movement is one of the things you can control. Meaningful movement is birthed out of reflection.

Too many of us react to our circumstances. As a therapist, I often teach clients the difference between reacting and responding. Life-giving responses are preceded by moments of reflection. The media are shoveling opinions and directives about COVID-19 at mind swelling speeds. You are being told what to think and how to behave. Fear has become palpable. Yet, as I hiked yesterday, I saw the spirit of the pilgrim lighting the way. Most people smiled, and some offered kind words as we passed each other. Out of respect, everyone moved far enough away to maintain “social distance.” But as I looked at the eyes of these individuals, I saw hope in a time of darkness.

 “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and everything else will follow.”[3]  In the eyes of each person I passed, I saw the essence of the Father’s Kingdom. I saw a treasure. You were created in the image of God. Nothing in this world can change that. All the emotions swirling around your circumstances do not define the essence of who you are. They are a normal reaction to a world of uncertainty. However, I wonder where there may be treasures to be found in your current circumstance? Where can you find hope, consolation, compassion, or courage?  I am finding hope in gratitude. I am finding consolation as I move towards love. I am finding compassion as I listen to other’s heartaches. Courage is rising as I keep my eyes on today. Tomorrow is too heavy a burden to bear. 

To be a pilgrim is to travel light. If you only carry what you need today, you will see the world with different eyes. What I see today is that you are a treasure. Your life and your presence in this world matters. The Kingdom Jesus spoke of in the gospels is our greatest treasure. We are facing a time of uncertainty, and I do not have an answer that will fix anyone’s circumstances. But as you reflect, I hope the Imago Dei in you will rise up. I pray that you will be blessed with kindness and hope. I pray that you will begin to see treasures all around you!

[1] Brian Grogan, Alone and on Foot: Ignatius of Loyola (Dublin, Ireland: Veritas Publications), 58.

[2] Brian O’ Leary, SJ, God Ever Greater: Exploring Ignatian Spirituality (Dublin: Messenger Publications), 38.

[3] Matthew 6:33 (par)