Tag: Love

Kingdoms and Treasures > Love
Blog
March 13, 20230

Mutuality in Love

Reposted from Companioning Center blog https://www.companioningcenter.org/blog/mutuality-in-love

Written By Tracy Busse

Spring comes early in Georgia. On this balmy morning, an orchestra of birds finding their way to one another greeted me. With windows flung open, stale winter air ushered out, I waved at the new life budding around me, inviting it to enter. The revival of life both calmed and energized me to join the fullness of creation around me. My body was relaxed and open to receive what God’s creation had to offer.

In all realms of safe connection, mutuality exists. One responds to another, and the other acts in reply to their gesture. We see this dance in friendship among lovers, caregivers, and children. These graced responses occur randomly throughout our world when one honors another by acting in a way that acknowledges, “my humanity is caught up and inextricably bound up in yours.” In South Africa, this is called Ubuntu, which “gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge despite all efforts to dehumanize them.” ¹ Our nervous system is wired to seek out safety and connection with one another—even God.

There are many faces we attribute to the nature of God. They range from loving father and friend to distant judge or scrupulous task master. Childhood encounters with parents, grandparents, spiritual leaders, and mentors influence our image of God. For many people, God is scary and cruel, and their only concept of God’s love is based on a continuum of right action, which will hopefully reward them with a good and eternal life. This is not a safe connection, nor does it represent what we mean by mutuality.

Mutuality sees the value of another as if they were looking at an expansive treasure. It gazes into your eyes and whispers, “Right now you are the focus of my attention. I see you; I hear you, and I desire to know you.” Imagine what it would be like to hear this from someone you trust and love. Linger with this imagined encounter and pay attention to what it feels like in your body. You may notice warmth and comfort but also might feel a bit vulnerable. When a safe person comes near, our body will naturally relax, but is that what happens to you when God comes near? Your answer to this question is an indicator of many things, including your perceived image of God. You may know in your head that God is love, but this creator of the universe might not “feel” loving.

Our nervous system works tirelessly to tell us when we are safe and when there is danger. This is often referred to as neuroception. “Neuroception is the process through which the nervous system evaluates risk without requiring awareness.” ² When perceived risk is present, our body will either move into a state of fight or flight, or it may simply choose to check out and shut down. In fight or flight, our body is tense, anxious, hyper-aware, and on edge. But in a state of shutdown, it is possible to feel nothing at all. Thankfully we have a third state that is triggered when we feel safe and connected to the environment and/or people around us.

These three states of presence can influence our perception of God in that moment. In a state of fight or flight, God may feel angry and judgmental. When we shut down, God is silent and distant, but in a state of safety and connection, God is love. When we learn how our nervous system operates, the part of us that “knows” God is love but does not feel it can learn compassion for the body that is operating from a state of protection. In those states, I hope God will be curious about our anxiety and hospitable to our anger. When we shut down, I hope God is gentle and present even if I cannot connect.

This morning I found myself in this third state as I soaked in the varied melodies of each bird. During a session with my spiritual director, I told him I wanted to engage in the Ignatian practice of noticing God in all things. While processing this, we agreed listening to the birds would trigger an awareness of God’s presence with me. Now when the birds sing, I smile and say hello to God. More songs emerge, and I relax as God’s melodies wash over me. In response, I imagine gazing into the eyes of my beloved and waiting to see how God responds. I cannot predict the response because God is other, but when we interact from a place of safety and connection, mutual regard and love develop.

While these moments of soaking are lovely and one of the sweetest parts of my day, there has been another benefit that reminds me God is near. When I am in a state of fight, flight, or shut down, birds trigger my nervous system to connect with God. You have probably experienced something similar when an old song comes on, or a smell triggers a pleasant memory from the past. These triggers are anchors and steadfast reminders of sweet moments of connection. I have learned through my bird friends that we can develop simple resources that connect us to God’s presence regardless of our state. To do this, explore with God, your spiritual director, or a friend simple ways you connect with God’s presence. You can also notice the image of God in a loved one saying, “Right now you are the focus of my attention. I see you; I hear you, and I desire to know you.” Just as we spent time imagining this with a loved one, imagine this with an image of God that is safe and welcoming. The more we engage in these practices, the more we relish intimacy with the Divine to the point that our relationship with God becomes as natural to engage as any other significant relationship in our life.

Tracy invites you to notice the gaze of love in her course, Trauma Informed Spirituality: Integrating Polyvagal Theory & Ignatian Spirituality for Soul Companions, on Mondays from March 27th-May 1st. This in-depth course includes an experiential component, teaching, discussion, and strategies to use when walking alongside others. Learn more and register here.

Notes:

¹ Desmond Tutu, God has a Dream: A Vision of Hope for our Time (New York, NY: Doubleday Books), 26.
² Stephe Porges, The Pocket Guide to The Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe (New York, NY: W. W. Norton and Company), 19.

Blog
February 11, 20232

Thick Places: A Place of Encounter and Love

“Thin places” are thick places. Celtic tradition regards sacred spaces as “thin” because they are in essence the place where heaven and earth kiss one another. But if you have ever been to a place that has the feel of a thin place, you also know the weight spaces like these carry. The atmosphere of a thin place is thick with the presence of God. 

As I write this, the college I graduated from, Asbury University, is experiencing a revival. This was not a planned conference or a manufactured experience, but an ordinary chapel that has become something extraordinary for the students and the community involved. Witnesses are describing the atmosphere in Hughes Chapel as thick. When I heard that word I was transported back to my twenties, during an all-night prayer vigil I joined in the same chapel.

 It was late and as I prayed the air became swimmingly thick. As if molasses had joined forces with the oxygen we breathe, each inhalation became rich and sweet. A weight pressed around my body as if I was held by the Divine. I recall having an internal vision of all the saints that preceded me in that place and the many saints that would come to that place in the future. What I saw in their posture and presence was love. Not dogma or right ways of being, but authentic expressions of connection to self, God, and others. 

This vision continues to be a memory of consolation, and a reminder of God’s goodness across generations. We do our best spiritual work when we are actively falling in love with the creator, who is always falling in love with us. A love like this spills into the universe, touching individuals near and far. The reach of this embrace cannot be measured, it is a thin place unleashing the weight of glory into the air we breathe. It is holy just as you are holy. 

Blog
December 19, 20200

Do You Hear What I Hear? An Advent Letter to My Family of Faith

Dear Sisters and Brothers,

I see you. I want to hear you and I want to know your heart. Not just hear, but listen. We are a church divided. We are a Nation at odds and we are a world fighting for life. We are the Church. We belong to one another. We were created by love and for love. The darkness can cause our vision to falter, but it will never prevent the light from coming. 

Do You See What I See?

I see pastors wondering how to lead a scattered flock. I see an angry flock wondering where their shepherd has gone. I see people trying to glue together shattered glass, to recoup a past that is gone. I see angry people trying to be heard.

I see “a star dancing in the night.” I see hope when I look for the light. I see God’s beloved remembering who they are. I see joy in the smallest things. I see a world that is learning how to wait. I see a multitude of gifts in the myriad of faces around me. 

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I hear weary parents doing their best. I hear the cries of lonely hearts. I hear predictions of the future riddled with fear. I hear hopelessness from the ones that fought the good fight and believe they lost. I hear the sobs of grieving souls.

I hear “a song with a voice as big as the sea.” I hear parent’s adoration of their children. I hear laughter in the company of friends. I hear the voices of the abused and broken standing tall. I hear an invitation to dance with the Divine. 

Do You Know What I Know?

I know that I do not know a lot. I do not know how the pandemic will end. I do not know how to stir up hope in the hopeless, and I do not know how to give peace to the anxious. I know we are tired. I know we engage the Advent season longing for a weary world to rejoice.

I know this Advent we wait for Christ to come in a big way. I know that God comes in ways we cannot predict. I know his life is teeming within all of us, waiting to be revealed. I know he came to give us life and to invite us into life in his Kingdom.

Listen To What I Say…

I listen because I want to know you. I listen because I want to hear your story. I listen because I want to see your heart. 

I listen because Abba knows me and calls me daughter. I listen because the Holy Spirit always listens to me. I listen because Jesus has captured my heart.

Dear brothers and sisters,

 Will you join me in listening to one another? What do you hear, see, or know that brings you hope as you wait? We are a family united by Christ and in Him we are one.  

With all my love and grace,

 Your sister

Blog
November 13, 20200

Love Anchors: Encounters with God in Daily Life

In July, I went on a thirty-day retreat to take the spiritual exercises developed by Ignatius of Loyola in the 16th Century. It was one of those life-changing experiences I wish I could capture into words, but the precise words elude me. I told one of the first people I talked to after the retreat, “It’s true Jesus really loves you.” She smiled at me, understanding I had experienced God’s love anew. 

But how do I tell you Jesus loves you in a way that doesn’t prompt a children’s song to play in your head? There are not words magnificent enough to do so. Imagine swimming in a lovely lagoon, only to be transported to a crystal blue sea filled with treasures beyond comprehension. And still loves reach is even grander than this. My perception of God’s love changed because of 30 days of intimate encounters with his presence. Each day I would walk with the Risen Lord through the gospels, I would listen to the wisdom of my Jesuit Director, and I basked in the love of the Trinity. It was intense and life-changing. 

One thing I want to share with you is that I feel certain God wants to encounter all of us with his love. All the time! I don’t think this has to happen in a 30-day retreat. In fact, I think we can invite these encounters into our everyday lives. Think about a young child and the way they move about the world in a state of wonder. Every butterfly, flower, rock, and cloud are a treasure. Could it be that God speaks his presence to us through the natural world around us? Through each other? Perhaps it is unorthodox to say so, but I believe he does. The one who created all things is lovingly present in all things. 

Now in saying that I do not believe that God causes evil. After working with trauma survivors for almost twenty years, I cannot believe that God causes the atrocities I have borne witness to. What I see repeatedly is God’s love and compassion for every person I encounter. I see unimaginable strength and courage that allows people to keep living. I live in wonder at the resilience of humanity in the face of wickedness. Hundreds of brave and beloved faces enter my mind to remind me evil does not have the last word. 
Receiving love and beginning to see one’s value are a catalyst for healing. People rarely heal in isolation. Sometimes God’s love is too hard to receive from the church or the Bible, because of harm and abuse experienced from misuse of those sources. Sometimes love comes from another human that really sees the person in front of them. Love listens well and is always waiting to be received. Love does not condemn, it offers hospitality and hope. I experience love in presence and through holy encounters. 

When I was on retreat, I spent the first few days sitting in God’s love. Since I am a visual person, I asked God for an image of his love. The image of a rushing waterfall poured over my head. I could feel the excitement of the pounding water and a giddy sense of being alive. The oxygen was cool, and it mingled with the sweet mist engulfing me. His love was everywhere. Now when I imagine a waterfall, I readily enter a fragrant encounter with God’s affection for me.

Throughout my retreat, I experienced God’s love in many forms. I saw him in rainbows, deer, and flowers, mountains, deserts, and trees. Each of the four elements beckoned me to the mystery of his presence among us. These images and memories have become anchors. When I am feeling low or anxious, I can go to one of my love anchors, and encounter the loving God that always delights to be with me. Just as the Holy One delights to be with you! How do you encounter love? 

*Check out our latest meditation vlog that will invite you to an encounter with God’s love through imagery in the 4 elements https://tracybusse.net/meditation-and-contemplation/