The beating of my heart drowns out my anxious thoughts. I remember a day last August when I asked Jesus to replace my heart with his. “Can I have your heart in exchange for mine?” was his gentle reply. In humility, I agreed. His heart is a treasure that fills my soul and with this exchange, it reminded me that I am treasured by him.

Movement is emerging out of the rhythmic strokes of his heart. I am trying to learn the steps to our dance. Desire is calling me to surrender, so Jesus can lead. Letting go of the things that hinder my ability to keep in step, is a challenge. But there is a fire growing within that compels me towards his love.

Many of us feel the weight of extra baggage right now. Threats have abounded during the COVID-19 crisis. Human instinct tells us to take more, just in case.  Anger and fear have grown like unruly ivy around generosity and gratitude. It sucks the air right out of our lungs. So many are tired and losing hope. 

As a pilgrim in training, I wonder about the things each of us needs to let go of to lighten our loads. What am I carrying that is bruising my shoulders while I trudge uphill? I have talked with a lot of different people in the past few weeks and a common burden we carry is control. There is so much we don’t have control of. We are trying to exert our power over emotions, thoughts, schedules, people, health, and a host of other things. This is exhausting work.

When I was training for the Camino, I filled up my backpack to the recommended limit. By the end of a twelve-mile walk, my shoulders ached and my bones felt bruised. A couple of days later I removed four pounds from my pack, and I hiked another 12 miles. This time without pain. The things I took out were not necessities, they were comforts. A pillow, a solar phone charger, a book, pajamas, and a few other random things. 

Today I challenged myself to let go of getting my way. I am asking myself if I can create a practice of simplicity during an exceedingly complicated space in time. Emerging out of these questions is a desire to live well. To thrive in the present moment. A spiritual guide encouraged me to find a question to ponder during my trek on the Camino. Now I ask myself, “what is the way of Jesus in my life?” 

For the moment I am abandoning my trip to Spain, but I will not abandon this question. In the movie Four Feathers, Heath Ledger’s character, Harry asks his new friend Abue, “Why are you helping me?” Abu answers, “Because God has put you in my way.” Abue lived in the desert. Each day was likely spent attending to basic human needs. When it was time for Abue and Harry to part ways, Harry asks Abue, “What will you do now?” Abue replies, “Whatever God has chosen for me.” So simple. So hard. Or perhaps, easy.

What is the way of Jesus in my life today? We must add today because tomorrow is a luxury, or perhaps a burden we cannot afford to carry. There is simplicity when we focus on this moment. I can find hope for today. 

There is a person in your path today that maybe there tomorrow, but there are others that won’t be. When you lock eyes with a stranger on a walk or at the grocery store, what is the way of Jesus at that moment? Those people are neighbors. Sometimes all I can do is offer a smile and a silent prayer. Part of finding the way of Jesus is to attune to his heart. Relinquishing our fears of not having enough and attending to the humanity that lives all around us. 

For some of you, the only humans physically in your path are in your home. What does the way of Jesus look like surrounded by a bunch of stir-crazy kids and grown-ups? What does it look like when you are the only human in your physical path? Or perhaps it is just you and a spouse or a roommate. Thankfully, there is no one answer. Every one of you is living a unique life on an exceptional path. Jesus’ heart has a different rhythm in your soul than he does in others. I imagine our dance as a slow waltz. You may see your dance with him as a tango, a swing dance, hip-hop, or salsa. Dropping the weight of unnecessary things helps us to move in step with Jesus. 

In Luke 10:38-42, Martha is frustrated that her sister Mary is not helping. She tells Jesus about it and he replies by saying, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (NLT) We worry about so many things. Holding on to anxiety is akin to putting large rocks in your backpack. I like to look at rocks when I hike, but unless it is small and beautiful, I do not enjoy carrying rocks while I hike. It is important to recognize our anxieties, but after you have paid attention to that rock, the next step is to keep moving on your path, setting down anything that is unnecessary.

It is Holy Week. This is the week Christians remember that Jesus was arrested, beaten, tried, and crucified. This is the week we recall that the way of Jesus led him to death on a cross so we could all have life. This is the week we celebrate the miracle of resurrection and the hope of a new life. Jesus is alive. He has risen! The way of Jesus calls us to die so we may live. We relinquish our personal kingdoms and exchange them for the power of God’s Kingdom. In this, we rise with him. 

The richness of life is bubbling up in me as I compose these words. I love to write. Putting words to paper is a part of God’s way in my story. To create space for writing I surrender time relaxing, reading, watching movies, serving, and even time with friends and family. Those are not bad things. God calls me into all of those moments frequently, but I cannot carry all of them at one time. At this precise moment, I write. Soon I will grade papers and provide therapy to others. After that? “Whatever God has chosen for me.” What would God have for you?